Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Autarch Announces Dwimmermount Will Now Suck In New And Unexpected Way

"It's comically behind schedule and some critics claimed it lacked imagination from the start," says project manager "so we thought: 'Why not heap insult on top of that injury?'" 

Alexander Macris, caretaker of James Maliszewski's crowdfunded Dwimmermount project, announced plans to use the opportunity granted him by the original author's tragic emotional breakdown and subsequent abandonment of the ailing megadungeon module to make it worse.

Macris released some sample rooms on theRPGsite earlier this week, such as:

25. LATRINE There are several non-working toilets in this small chamber, along with similarly non-functional water basins. The room has a musty smell, but there is no evidence of any kind of mold present in the place. A tattered and grossly stained codex litters the floor near the toilets; judging from its obscene illustrations, it seems to be a religious tract of an erotic mystery cult. The codex would be worth 250 gp to a collector, but Paladins who read it must make a successful saving throw versus Spells or lose 500 XP from the corrupting material.

The new rooms have garnered praise from some fans, particularly ones who own Life of Brian in at least three formats, haven't read a book without a crossbow in it since The Scarlet Letter, and shouted "+5 backscratcher?!" last time you asked if the dead orc had any treasure on him completely like as if he had not also done that every single time anyone asked if there was treasure on a monster they'd just killed every single week since last August when some bright shiny nickel first had the idea to invite his extra-anchovy-eating, felt-drawstring-dice-bag-owning, Gazebo-shirt-wearing ass over to play.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Man Enraged That Women Are Doing Work For Him

"Sure, we're allowed to play for free in the Contessa Online Gaming Convention, but women are setting up everything and doing all the hard work--it's deeply offensive!" claims strange man, allies.

"This is just like that time my mother made me a grilled cheese sandwich on rye toast with a side of butter beans," said one commenter, "I didn't stand for it then and I'm not standing for it now."

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Gamer Claims He Has No Opinion On Subject He Doesn't Know Anything About

"I don't know anything about him and I'm no expert," says one witness "but if I were to speculate, I'd say it's because he's terrible"