Thursday, October 31, 2013

Envy Gives Up, Decides To Go As Righteous Outrage Again This Year

"Why would someone write an anthropology dissertation on the most played RPG in history instead of that game I wrote?"

Fan-fic writing polytheist Dennis N Santana and angry white goon Tablehop/Mikan--both long-time pro-4e edition warriors--joined failed White Wolf freelancer Filamena Young, best-known in the RPG industry for complaining that the D&D With Porn Stars girls were in Maxim, in expressing concern that someone wanted to study their hobby and that other people wanted to help.

Experts suspect writer may have meant "etc"
"Well at first we just wanted to announce we were depressed because we were being ignored," said a spokesman for the group "but then we thought--hey, it's Halloween, why not give our complaints a seasonal twist by dressing them up as parts of some kind of emancipatory project?"

There is as of yet no word on how much candy the trio has received.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Keeper Like 90% Sure He Knows What 'Squamous' Means

"The fuck you do," claims player of Rosemary Thistlewater, an 18-year-old debutante from Sudbury, Massachusets.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Girl Ok With Not Being Geek

"Ok, you're a geek and I'm not," announces doctoral candidate during Shadowrun character generation.

The revelation has sent shockwaves through the gaming community "It's not just a question of her not wanting to be a geek now," said one expert nerd, "but what if she still doesn't want to be called a geek two, three years down the line? It could take decades before researchers can appreciate the full impact of this decision."

The unidentified female gamer later went on to ask if her character's motorcycle could have a machine gun in it.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Discorporated "Hunger-Ender's Games"-Concept Searches Through Ur-Realm of Pure Nonconscious For Physical Manifestation

"With both movies slated to come out in November, the idea of gamers somehow using the hype surrounding movies based respectively on a sequel to a callous rip-off of a superior Japanese classic and a book by some homophobic assfork to do some good in the world and generate some cash to feed the homeless seemed like a no-brainer" says the bodiless thought-form "but nobody's thought of me yet. I guess I'll just immolate myself in the egoless vortex at the devouring center of that-which-might-have-been."

Sunday, October 27, 2013

World's Breath Held In Anticipation Of Clever "Zombie Lou Reed" Write-Ups

"I suspect they'll be short and kind of funny" says one blog enthusiast "but will ultimately leave me with a feeling of aching despair at the thought of not just the passing, but the slow time-torn decline of a once-great artist. Like Blue Mask, fucking Time Rocker? WTF? Was he even a man anymore by then? Is anyone? Is that what happens?"

"All is ash and desperate vanity," he concluded.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Friday, October 25, 2013

Nerds Everywhere Rush To Complete Halloween Costumes And Complaints About Slutty Halloween Costumes

"I have a really good one if I see a slutty bear," claims nerd--who refused to disclose the nature of the comment, citing fears that someone would steal his idea.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Guy Realizes Gun To His Head Forcing Him To Read What Other Guy Writes Is Imaginary

"By moving my eyes downward across the screen I've discovered I can actually avoid ideas I'm not interested in reading about altogether!"

Friday, October 18, 2013

D&D 5th Edition Development Team Caves To Powerful 'Patient and/or Apathetic' Lobby

Mearls: "At some point it'll be out. Until then, it won't."

In what is seen as a major victory for gamers who aren't really bothered either way, Wizards of the Coast developer Mike Mearls--head of the design and development team for the eagerly awaited 5th edition of Dungeons and Dragons--announced that the team was coming to work and doing its job and would eventually finish. The announcement has not served to quell rampant speculation on the part of commentators that the coming edition will contains some things that are kind of cool and some that they aren't into, much like the games they are already playing.

This statement comes on the heels of a Sept 18 Twitter announcement by Mearls that the Seahawks/Patriots game he was watching was "pretty intense".

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

In Shocking Reversal, Monty Python Makes Craig Reference

Idle: "You don't know Craig? Computer lab at Greenville Tech?"

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

WOTC Staffers Gamble Childrens' Lives On Whether You Care About A Bard

"Want to see me multiclass into sorcerer? Pick my bard college, or slogan?" asks WOTC designer Rodney Thompson. "Not really," reply most.

Respondents initially seemed somewhat receptive to seeing Thompson's character killed by Tarrasque but not, like,1500 dollars receptive.

"Has WOTC learned nothing about crowdfunding from the OSR?" asked a young Seattle Children's Hospital patient, between coughing fits, who continued: "If this is about whether I get my medicine or not I want Raggi in here. Hell, I'll let them tattoo a pentagram on m..." and then expired.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Thousands of Activist Gamers Go Ahead And Take Columbus Day Off Anyway

Advocate: "By giving people a day off in the name of a colonialist, you're celebrating that man - you are giving people a gift in his name, after all, and that gift mocks the suffering of the people of the past. It's a form of group microaggression played out by and for a participating audience on a scale no role-playing game could ever hope to ever achieve and many people of Native American and Latino ancestry keenly experience it as an annual reminder of the way they are marginalized by the dominant culture, but...I got a lot of Buffy slash I need to write."

"...maybe I'll do a tweet about it."

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Swift Action By Forum Nerd Narrowly Averts Third World War

"I'm just grateful God put Neonchameleon here to question these ideas before Wyatt's message of genocide could spread unquestioned."

"D&D is dumb," asserts fellow nerd.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Frog God Trying Not To Feel Guilty About Accepting 10,000$ From Pair of Insane Donors

"You could feed a starving kid in Calcutta until he was in high school on that much money" says author Bill Webb, "but they do get steel-coated covers."

"They may believe they're obeying the requests of an actual frog god," said a company spokesman, "We're not 100% sure on this, really."

The high-end edition of Bill Webb's upcoming Lost Lands: Sword of Air will reportedly also include "a metal clasps".

Tuesday, October 8, 2013