Saturday, December 21, 2013

RPGnet Vague On Imaginary-Rape-Threat Advocacy Policy

Public asks: Does Skotos Tech encourage or merely tolerate creating imaginary rape threats?

It was revealed this week that RPGnet moderator Paul Ettin / Paul Matijevic both endorsed and publicly encouraged
others to endorse false accusations that a game designer "threatens their critics with rape" 
after, and only after, learning the allegations weren't true.

Other gamers, after being given an opportunity to reconsider their advocacy of the fake accusations
(in the wake of the careful, months-long investigation into the charges on the part of one of the accuser's
friends) rescinded their supportapologizing on Google Plus:

...while many more gamers removed their plusses from the inaccurate post quietly.

Meanwhile, the RPGnet moderator, reflecting what for all we know is RPGnet policy, eagerly

While Ettin's powerful stance in favor of what is arguably libel and what is unarguably bullshit
has clear appeal, it leaves aspiring RPGnet moderators wondering "Is this a requirement?
Or just a suggestion?"

To aid Dongion readers, those unsure may wish to send this letter, or a variation upon it,
to RPGnet proprietor Shannon Appelcline via shannona AT skotos DOT net and CC:
Skotos CEO Christopher Allen christophera AT lifewithalacrity DOT com. 

Dear Mr Appelcline and Mr Allen,
     I would like to one day become an RPGnet moderator.
    After reading about your moderator Paul Ettin's fake-rape-threat-accusation advocacy, I had
a few questions:

     If I want to become a moderator, should I start advocating false charges of rape threats now?
Or should I wait until such time as I become a moderator? Should I make up charges of rape
threats myself? Can I make up reports of rape threats about anyone, or just non-members?
Would alleging that you, Shannon Appelcline and Christopher Allen, threaten people with rape
improve my chances of becoming a moderator?
     Should I make up other facts about RPG personalities? (For example, would: "Ed Greenwood
stole my niece's rollerskates and then farted on them" be acceptable?)  I guess what I'm
asking there is: Are made up facts in general advocated by RPGnet, or just made up facts about
traumatic, life-decimating episodes of sexual violence? Does it have to be libel, or does slander

    I am unsure which course will best express to Skotos the dedication to honest discourse
and unbiased judgement in matters of heated debate becoming of a forum moderator.
Please advise!



Thursday, December 19, 2013

WOTC Announces Confirmation Bias Con For Summer 2014

Online Experts Widely Suspect Announced Fifth Edition Release Date Is Too Early, Late For Game To Be Any Good

In a press release this evening, Wizards of the Coast--manufacturers of Dungeons & Dragons--announced your summer will feature a lot of people repeating things they've been saying about a game they've never read for the last two years.

"'Players will be immersed in rich storytelling experiences' ? Like being killed by a ten-foot fall at  first level?" said one gamer who has been saying basically that and nothing else for as long as anyone can remember in response to the announcement .

"'As they face off against the most fearsome monster of all time'? Well, Mike Mearls' game design is like watching getting your dick stuck in a microwave door and watching the tip explode, but I wouldn't call it 'The most fearsome monster of all time' LOL," said a frequent online commentator who has spent most of the current century in web forums polishing drafts and variations on that sentence like it was the jewel of the fucking Nile.

Friday, December 13, 2013

White People Complaining About Dark Elves Still Not Dead In Fire

Experts unsure what's up with that

Evidence released by authorities early this week reveals that, despite widespread outcry, various white people--including an author of a game about underage teen goth sex werewolves--are still complaining about the anthropology of fake elves and still not all dead yet.
"I haven't actually heard a lot from gamers of color in real life about this, but when they do hear about it, I'm pretty certain we'll be greeted as liberators," sad a spokeswhitedudeontheinternet.
Wizards of the Coast--the company which owns the right to the actually not really very controversial imaginary people--has announced no plans to significantly alter them, despite no significant protests from communities of color anywhere ever.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

RPG.Net Privileges Privileged Gamers By Allowing Them To Pay For The Privilege of Not Being Banned For Being Privileged

RPGnet launches fundraiser, citing flagging site traffic, exhaustion with hiding moderator bias

"Yes, other game forums don't ask for money, but they also don't have in-depth and nuanced discussion of important topics like 'Do I Have A Moral Obligation NOT to Play A Different Race or Gender,'" said an RPGnet spokesman.
"Yes, 7-55 people have severe emotional problems, but we want them to see RPGnet as both a haven and a soapbox"

"Some members have more influence here at RPGnet--mostly because their white collar tech jobs give them time to post a lot and earn the moderators' trust. We thought that class-correlated privilege was pretty cool, so why not double-down on it by having these members give us some of that disposable income in exchange for having a little flag and a bigger avatar letting everyone know not to disagree with them?"

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Indiegogo Rejects Theory That Sex Crime Rate Is Tied To Name Of Soft Drink

Also On Docket: Are Makers Of Black Death Vodka In Favor Of Bubonic Plague?

Despite protestations of longtime gamer and anti-sexiness advocate Anna Kreider as well as indie game darlings Jason Morningstar and Andy Kitkowski, crowdfunding engine Indiegogo has ruled that, although it may upset dorks, Tentacle Grape soda's name doesn't affect anything in the real world. 

More than one rape survivor, when asked for comment on the Kreider campaign, echoed statements made earlier today by feminist activists to the effect that they really hoped Anna, Jason and Andy had friends that they trusted who could tell them they're getting weird and should seek professional help.

Allegations that the purple beverage causes sexual assault, contributes to a failure of authorities to take allegations of assault seriously, or tastes good remain unsubstantiated.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Even Founder Now Bored By Story Games

Owner/Administrator of S-G forum steps down, citing burnout, fact that basically everything else is more interesting than it.

"Story Games just isn't the same as it used to be," remarked one user "I keep seeing threads where people raise issues about Old School D&D or Vampire and they'll get like five, sometimes ten answers that aren't panic-stricken gibberish. What's even the point anymore? Story-Games used to be about new games--and complaining bitterly about old ones--without that core experience, where are we? Who are we?"

Monday, November 18, 2013

Nation Stunned By Revelation That Beloved Game Element Has Been Ridiculous All Along

All of Game Totally Implausible, Fun--Except This One Part Someone On Web Says Is Worse
"I've just had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that this part of the imaginary world--whose claim to fame is all the creative ways it isn't like life as we know it--is built on a lie."
"'Ridiculous'? Here? In America? I just--I never knew. My eyes have been opened."

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Crazy Hookerbanging Coke Mayor And Crazy Pearl-Clutching Game Designer Are Probably Same Guy

L: Rabidly Pro-Boob Rob Ford of Toronto, R: Rabidly Anti-Boob David A Hill of Machine Age Productions

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Apocalypse World Session Transparently Just Excuse For Gamer To Pretend He Still Has Hair

GM: "In real life Sal's just a guy whose biggest problem's trying to find a power adapter for a DeWalt cordless so he can fix a fence--in Apocalypse World Sal's still just a guy trying to find a power adapter for a DeWalt cordless so he can fix a fence just not bald. 

"At least when we played Shadowrun he had a claw hand"
"Baker's visionary worldview speaks to me," says player.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Stonehell Author Pledges To Reduce Unacceptable Levels Down To Acceptable Levels By 2015

Horrified do-gooders and hardened cheapskates digging deep into their Bundles of Holding find "36. The Discotheque: White tiled floor; stone posts with crystal lenses in alcoves." where something someone might want to run should be

Area gamers describe such puns as "deeply troubling"

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Wil Wheaton States Obvious

Feverishly reblogged

"Yes, I know it and so does everyone else--but he's white  and used to be on TV!"

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Pot-Leaf-Tattooed Beach Hippie from Saturn Learns HTML, Designs Convention Website

Kenneth Hite, Tim Kask, others to some time in...some place? Maybe? claims purplish text block.

Aethercon organizers were unavailable for comment, leaving mysterious toad, mule and quill all unexplained.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Saturday, November 2, 2013

New Translation/Clone of D&D To Offer Spectacular Art, Robust Rules, Pointless Busywork

"'Aventuras en La Marca del Este's' popularity in Spain and the Red Box's continuing popularity in the gaming community have a lot of people thinking the old D&D Basic rules provide more than just nostalgic glimmers of yesteryear, so we thought we'd nip that right in the bud by including blank dice you have to color in yourself--just like it was 1983 all over again!"

Friday, November 1, 2013

Researchers Admit Small Child's Costume Ultimately Raises More Questions Than It Answers

"Can I be Flame Princess before she got all messed up?" asks girl, before convincing father to dress her as mascot of game known mostly for mutilated vagina art.

Observer: "Well she doesn't look scarred for life...".

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Envy Gives Up, Decides To Go As Righteous Outrage Again This Year

"Why would someone write an anthropology dissertation on the most played RPG in history instead of that game I wrote?"

Fan-fic writing polytheist Dennis N Santana and angry white goon Tablehop/Mikan--both long-time pro-4e edition warriors--joined failed White Wolf freelancer Filamena Young, best-known in the RPG industry for complaining that the D&D With Porn Stars girls were in Maxim, in expressing concern that someone wanted to study their hobby and that other people wanted to help.

Experts suspect writer may have meant "etc"
"Well at first we just wanted to announce we were depressed because we were being ignored," said a spokesman for the group "but then we thought--hey, it's Halloween, why not give our complaints a seasonal twist by dressing them up as parts of some kind of emancipatory project?"

There is as of yet no word on how much candy the trio has received.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Keeper Like 90% Sure He Knows What 'Squamous' Means

"The fuck you do," claims player of Rosemary Thistlewater, an 18-year-old debutante from Sudbury, Massachusets.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Girl Ok With Not Being Geek

"Ok, you're a geek and I'm not," announces doctoral candidate during Shadowrun character generation.

The revelation has sent shockwaves through the gaming community "It's not just a question of her not wanting to be a geek now," said one expert nerd, "but what if she still doesn't want to be called a geek two, three years down the line? It could take decades before researchers can appreciate the full impact of this decision."

The unidentified female gamer later went on to ask if her character's motorcycle could have a machine gun in it.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Discorporated "Hunger-Ender's Games"-Concept Searches Through Ur-Realm of Pure Nonconscious For Physical Manifestation

"With both movies slated to come out in November, the idea of gamers somehow using the hype surrounding movies based respectively on a sequel to a callous rip-off of a superior Japanese classic and a book by some homophobic assfork to do some good in the world and generate some cash to feed the homeless seemed like a no-brainer" says the bodiless thought-form "but nobody's thought of me yet. I guess I'll just immolate myself in the egoless vortex at the devouring center of that-which-might-have-been."

Sunday, October 27, 2013

World's Breath Held In Anticipation Of Clever "Zombie Lou Reed" Write-Ups

"I suspect they'll be short and kind of funny" says one blog enthusiast "but will ultimately leave me with a feeling of aching despair at the thought of not just the passing, but the slow time-torn decline of a once-great artist. Like Blue Mask, fucking Time Rocker? WTF? Was he even a man anymore by then? Is anyone? Is that what happens?"

"All is ash and desperate vanity," he concluded.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Friday, October 25, 2013

Nerds Everywhere Rush To Complete Halloween Costumes And Complaints About Slutty Halloween Costumes

"I have a really good one if I see a slutty bear," claims nerd--who refused to disclose the nature of the comment, citing fears that someone would steal his idea.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Guy Realizes Gun To His Head Forcing Him To Read What Other Guy Writes Is Imaginary

"By moving my eyes downward across the screen I've discovered I can actually avoid ideas I'm not interested in reading about altogether!"

Friday, October 18, 2013

D&D 5th Edition Development Team Caves To Powerful 'Patient and/or Apathetic' Lobby

Mearls: "At some point it'll be out. Until then, it won't."

In what is seen as a major victory for gamers who aren't really bothered either way, Wizards of the Coast developer Mike Mearls--head of the design and development team for the eagerly awaited 5th edition of Dungeons and Dragons--announced that the team was coming to work and doing its job and would eventually finish. The announcement has not served to quell rampant speculation on the part of commentators that the coming edition will contains some things that are kind of cool and some that they aren't into, much like the games they are already playing.

This statement comes on the heels of a Sept 18 Twitter announcement by Mearls that the Seahawks/Patriots game he was watching was "pretty intense".

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

In Shocking Reversal, Monty Python Makes Craig Reference

Idle: "You don't know Craig? Computer lab at Greenville Tech?"

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

WOTC Staffers Gamble Childrens' Lives On Whether You Care About A Bard

"Want to see me multiclass into sorcerer? Pick my bard college, or slogan?" asks WOTC designer Rodney Thompson. "Not really," reply most.

Respondents initially seemed somewhat receptive to seeing Thompson's character killed by Tarrasque but not, like,1500 dollars receptive.

"Has WOTC learned nothing about crowdfunding from the OSR?" asked a young Seattle Children's Hospital patient, between coughing fits, who continued: "If this is about whether I get my medicine or not I want Raggi in here. Hell, I'll let them tattoo a pentagram on m..." and then expired.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Thousands of Activist Gamers Go Ahead And Take Columbus Day Off Anyway

Advocate: "By giving people a day off in the name of a colonialist, you're celebrating that man - you are giving people a gift in his name, after all, and that gift mocks the suffering of the people of the past. It's a form of group microaggression played out by and for a participating audience on a scale no role-playing game could ever hope to ever achieve and many people of Native American and Latino ancestry keenly experience it as an annual reminder of the way they are marginalized by the dominant culture, but...I got a lot of Buffy slash I need to write."

"...maybe I'll do a tweet about it."

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Swift Action By Forum Nerd Narrowly Averts Third World War

"I'm just grateful God put Neonchameleon here to question these ideas before Wyatt's message of genocide could spread unquestioned."

"D&D is dumb," asserts fellow nerd.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Frog God Trying Not To Feel Guilty About Accepting 10,000$ From Pair of Insane Donors

"You could feed a starving kid in Calcutta until he was in high school on that much money" says author Bill Webb, "but they do get steel-coated covers."

"They may believe they're obeying the requests of an actual frog god," said a company spokesman, "We're not 100% sure on this, really."

The high-end edition of Bill Webb's upcoming Lost Lands: Sword of Air will reportedly also include "a metal clasps".

Tuesday, October 8, 2013