Wednesday, November 27, 2013

RPG.Net Privileges Privileged Gamers By Allowing Them To Pay For The Privilege of Not Being Banned For Being Privileged

RPGnet launches fundraiser, citing flagging site traffic, exhaustion with hiding moderator bias

"Yes, other game forums don't ask for money, but they also don't have in-depth and nuanced discussion of important topics like 'Do I Have A Moral Obligation NOT to Play A Different Race or Gender,'" said an RPGnet spokesman.
"Yes, 7-55 people have severe emotional problems, but we want them to see RPGnet as both a haven and a soapbox"

"Some members have more influence here at RPGnet--mostly because their white collar tech jobs give them time to post a lot and earn the moderators' trust. We thought that class-correlated privilege was pretty cool, so why not double-down on it by having these members give us some of that disposable income in exchange for having a little flag and a bigger avatar letting everyone know not to disagree with them?"

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Indiegogo Rejects Theory That Sex Crime Rate Is Tied To Name Of Soft Drink

Also On Docket: Are Makers Of Black Death Vodka In Favor Of Bubonic Plague?

Despite protestations of longtime gamer and anti-sexiness advocate Anna Kreider as well as indie game darlings Jason Morningstar and Andy Kitkowski, crowdfunding engine Indiegogo has ruled that, although it may upset dorks, Tentacle Grape soda's name doesn't affect anything in the real world. 

More than one rape survivor, when asked for comment on the Kreider campaign, echoed statements made earlier today by feminist activists to the effect that they really hoped Anna, Jason and Andy had friends that they trusted who could tell them they're getting weird and should seek professional help.

Allegations that the purple beverage causes sexual assault, contributes to a failure of authorities to take allegations of assault seriously, or tastes good remain unsubstantiated.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Even Founder Now Bored By Story Games

Owner/Administrator of S-G forum steps down, citing burnout, fact that basically everything else is more interesting than it.

"Story Games just isn't the same as it used to be," remarked one user "I keep seeing threads where people raise issues about Old School D&D or Vampire and they'll get like five, sometimes ten answers that aren't panic-stricken gibberish. What's even the point anymore? Story-Games used to be about new games--and complaining bitterly about old ones--without that core experience, where are we? Who are we?"

Monday, November 18, 2013

Nation Stunned By Revelation That Beloved Game Element Has Been Ridiculous All Along

All of Game Totally Implausible, Fun--Except This One Part Someone On Web Says Is Worse
"I've just had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that this part of the imaginary world--whose claim to fame is all the creative ways it isn't like life as we know it--is built on a lie."
"'Ridiculous'? Here? In America? I just--I never knew. My eyes have been opened."

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Crazy Hookerbanging Coke Mayor And Crazy Pearl-Clutching Game Designer Are Probably Same Guy

L: Rabidly Pro-Boob Rob Ford of Toronto, R: Rabidly Anti-Boob David A Hill of Machine Age Productions

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Apocalypse World Session Transparently Just Excuse For Gamer To Pretend He Still Has Hair

GM: "In real life Sal's just a guy whose biggest problem's trying to find a power adapter for a DeWalt cordless so he can fix a fence--in Apocalypse World Sal's still just a guy trying to find a power adapter for a DeWalt cordless so he can fix a fence just not bald. 

"At least when we played Shadowrun he had a claw hand"
"Baker's visionary worldview speaks to me," says player.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Stonehell Author Pledges To Reduce Unacceptable Levels Down To Acceptable Levels By 2015

Horrified do-gooders and hardened cheapskates digging deep into their Bundles of Holding find "36. The Discotheque: White tiled floor; stone posts with crystal lenses in alcoves." where something someone might want to run should be

Area gamers describe such puns as "deeply troubling"

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Wil Wheaton States Obvious

Feverishly reblogged

"Yes, I know it and so does everyone else--but he's white  and used to be on TV!"

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Pot-Leaf-Tattooed Beach Hippie from Saturn Learns HTML, Designs Convention Website

Kenneth Hite, Tim Kask, others to some time in...some place? Maybe? claims purplish text block.

Aethercon organizers were unavailable for comment, leaving mysterious toad, mule and quill all unexplained.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Saturday, November 2, 2013

New Translation/Clone of D&D To Offer Spectacular Art, Robust Rules, Pointless Busywork

"'Aventuras en La Marca del Este's' popularity in Spain and the Red Box's continuing popularity in the gaming community have a lot of people thinking the old D&D Basic rules provide more than just nostalgic glimmers of yesteryear, so we thought we'd nip that right in the bud by including blank dice you have to color in yourself--just like it was 1983 all over again!"

Friday, November 1, 2013

Researchers Admit Small Child's Costume Ultimately Raises More Questions Than It Answers

"Can I be Flame Princess before she got all messed up?" asks girl, before convincing father to dress her as mascot of game known mostly for mutilated vagina art.

Observer: "Well she doesn't look scarred for life...".