Zak S/RPGPundit Verdict: It Was Funhaver Games

Game Company Contributors And Fans Promoted Fraudulent Accusations Against RPG Loudmouths

For a week, the role-playing game community has been wondering who or what cared so goddamn much about porn actor, painter and DM Zak S and RPGSite owner/opinion-mongerer RPGPundit that it bothered to smear them all over the internet when the Fifth Edition of Dungeons And Dragons was released with their names listed as contributors.

Look who's got no plusses….

Some asked: Was the controversy a sign of the times? Was it merely just desserts from years of inflammatory RPG blogging by the pair of prolific pontificators? Was it a consequence of the nature of the emergence of a new internet-influenced paradigm of cultural production? Was it a symptom of a larger toxicity in the Dungeons & Dragons community? It turns out that, no, it was a company called Funhaver Games.

Rather than just say what the rest of the RPG community said ("These two completely suck but they have good game ideas--sometimes--I guess. Hey read my blog I have a Shadowrun hack for Savage Worlds") the company--named in reaction to Lamentations of the Flame Princess author James Edward Raggi IV's essay "I Hate Fun" and associated with the ailing Nightfall kickstarter abandoned by admitted liar Bryan "Gau" Schwaderer--adopted a far more interesting response, imagining themselves seeing a cigar-smoking game reviewer beating up gay men in the street or fantasizing about being followed home by a wheelchair-pushing porn star missing half of his hair.

So he lied about money, and he lied about Zak …

…so why would you think he's lying again?

A glance at Funhaver's twitter following confirms a shockingly high proportion of the struggling game company's friends, allies and contributors have attacked TheRPGPundit, Zak, or both, including:

• Longtime RPGnet irritant Neko Ewen/Ewen_Cluney
• Blog-hit hound Jussi Martilla
• Funhaver proprietor and Dongion regular Mikan/ Tablehop/ Schmelz
• Topher Gerkey, pro-clothing, anti-porn-actress-activist and author of Princess Drive X
• Sub Rosa author and noted evidence lacker Andri Erlingsson
• Rageforum-turned water-muddying twitter account grognards.txt
• Jess Purdy author of the barely-read Gamer XP
• and die-hard story-gamer Chris Chinn/Bankuei/Yelosun whose D&D Basic release-day blog entry suggests he thinks the consultants want to kill him

…along with an assorted bumper crop of those who have retweeted insulting things about the Lenny and Squiggy of RPGs*

When asked for comment, a spokesman for Funhaver replied "ArrgrhguggugglebargggleTry my Monsterhearts hack!"

*

(Zak is Squiggy)

Stupid Response To Stupid Review Of Stupid Product Sparks Stupid People To Do Stupid Things

Raggi Profits

Pointless argument ensued this week after the RPGpundit posted a pointlessly histrionic review of a pointless product, sparking a pointless reply by the pointless author, Geoffrey McKinney who pointlessly accused the reviewer of liking Dragonlance. The Pundit responded by pointlessly calling McKinney "Mr McRapeypants" and then asking the public if the bad and pointless things McKinney had done weren't somehow more bad and more pointless than the bad and pointless things he, the Pundit, himself had done did.

The utterly meh Isle of The Unknown prompted the vicious review that left the public struggling to give a fuck either way.

The Internet responded via pointless discussions and posts about the pointless controversy about the pointless hexcrawl supplement of which this article is one and--in some cases--by buying it. Which was, perhaps, the point.

Someone Reads Dragonsfoot Thread

"So I was browsing the forum and a topic caught my eye…" claims local blogger.

Dongion Challenge Results In!

Zero Percent Of Team Pearlclutcher Game With People of Color

Voices for inclusion in gaming responded with deafening unanimity to The Dongion's recent challenge--they don't know the people they supposedly advocate for.

Despite blog analytics indicating the challenge was widely read and clear evidence it was discussed, none of them were able to come up with any evidence that they'd even seen, much less played with, anyone who wasn't white.

"This confirms what albinologists have long suspected," said one researcher "when these people say something like 'This Wild West game needs to neither remind anyone that there was racism in that era nor gloss over the harsh realities of the racial prejudice in the Wild West' this doesn't generate any cognitive dissonance because they're not basing their ideas on any kind of observation but rather just dreaming what they imagine people of color would say and than pushing that out of their suffocatingly large and garishly white asses."

Autarch Announces Dwimmermount Will Now Suck In New And Unexpected Way

"It's comically behind schedule and some critics claimed it lacked imagination from the start," says project manager "so we thought: 'Why not heap insult on top of that injury?'" 

Alexander Macris, caretaker of James Maliszewski's crowdfunded Dwimmermount project, announced plans to use the opportunity granted him by the original author's tragic emotional breakdown and subsequent abandonment of the ailing megadungeon module to make it worse.

Macris released some sample rooms on theRPGsite earlier this week, such as:

25. LATRINE There are several non-working toilets in this small chamber, along with similarly non-functional water basins. The room has a musty smell, but there is no evidence of any kind of mold present in the place. A tattered and grossly stained codex litters the floor near the toilets; judging from its obscene illustrations, it seems to be a religious tract of an erotic mystery cult. The codex would be worth 250 gp to a collector, but Paladins who read it must make a successful saving throw versus Spells or lose 500 XP from the corrupting material.

The new rooms have garnered praise from some fans, particularly ones who own Life of Brian in at least three formats, haven't read a book without a crossbow in it since The Scarlet Letter, and shouted "+5 backscratcher?!" last time you asked if the dead orc had any treasure on him completely like as if he had not also done that every single time anyone asked if there was treasure on a monster they'd just killed every single week since last August when some bright shiny nickel first had the idea to invite his extra-anchovy-eating, felt-drawstring-dice-bag-owning, Gazebo-shirt-wearing ass over to play.

Man Enraged That Women Are Doing Work For Him

"Sure, we're allowed to play for free in the Contessa Online Gaming Convention, but women are setting up everything and doing all the hard work--it's deeply offensive!" claims strange man, allies.

"This is just like that time my mother made me a grilled cheese sandwich on rye toast with a side of butter beans," said one commenter, "I didn't stand for it then and I'm not standing for it now."

Gamer Claims He Has No Opinion On Subject He Doesn't Know Anything About

"I don't know anything about him and I'm no expert," says one witness "but if I were to speculate, I'd say it's because he's terrible"

Social Justice Monocle-Droppers: Take The Dongion Challenge!

Post a picture of yourself playing a game with a person of color.

Even one.

It can't be at a convention with people you just met. It can't be an on-line game. If you are a person of color (and you probably aren't) you can go ahead and post a picture of yourself, so long as, in the picture, you're playing a game with other people.

Challenge ends Feb 28!

Vague Accusation Of General Wrongdoing Made Against Ill-Defined Group

Author Really Sick Of Trend He Keeps Looking For Evidence Of